Monday, 22 October 2012

Real school exam answers.


  •  Monotony means being married to the same person for all your life. 
  •  What is Britain's highest award for valour in war? - Nelson's Column. 
  •  What's a Hindu? - It lays eggs. 
  •  Name the four seasons - Salt, mustard, pepper, vinegar. 
  •  What changes happen to your body as you age? - When you get old, so do your bowels and you get inter-continental. 
  •  Edward VI was a miner. 
  •  What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? - They'll insist you're well endowed if you're buying a house. 
  •  What is a co-operative? It's a kind of shop that is not as dear as places like Marks and Spence. 
  •  How do you keep milk from turning sour? - Keep it in the cow. 
  •  The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. 
  •  A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is. 
  • Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. 
  • Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon? - Because he was dead. 
  • When did Julius Caesar die? - A few days before his funeral. 
  • The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader. 
  • What is a turbine? - Something an Arab wears on his head. 
  • Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. 
  • What is a terminal illness? - When you are sick at the airport. 
  • The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome. 
  • A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. 
  • The equator is a menagerie lion running around the earth through Africa. 
  • Where was the Magna Carta signed? - At the bottom. 
  • Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. 
  • Momentum: what you give a person when they are going away. 
  • Planet: a body of earth surrounded by sky. 
  • Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot. 
  • Who invented King Arthur's round table? - Sir Cumference. 
  • What is a seizure? - A Roman Emperor. 
  • What is the fibula? - A small lie.
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